Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A word to the wise:

.... actually several.

Chicken nuggets are not to be handled lightly. Spend the extra $2 for the name brand or you'll end up with a dinner of fried sponge.

And there are some things even ketchup and ranch can't solve.

You know you're an adult when:

all you want for Christmas is new tires for your car.

You know you're still a kid when your parents get them for you.
Before Christmas.

Parents trump Santa daily.

This is how I felt, bow tie and all.


These past few months have been so full lately, and at least everyday, I think to myself "I should really blog bout that."  But alas, other things are always clamoring for attention.
At last however, I've come up against something that just has to be shared.

Actually it can be condensed in to a single question:

"In everything give thanks?


 This one thought has been continuously revolving around my head like a slight less happy version of a carousel. 

I could give thanks for most things: a glorious sunrise (even) on an early morning at Starbucks, kitten kisses when I get home from a long day of classes. Generally it's not hard to find at least positive light to any situation.
But everything?

Can I give thanks while scraping ice off my car in below zero temps at 5:00 in the morning?

Can I give thanks when this same car decides decides to mysteriously shut off whenever I turn it on, but then go all Rolls Royce on the mechanic? .... for an entire week?
Can I give thanks when it feels like the my responsibilities, and obligations, and desires are simultaneously spinning out of control but at the same time crushing me?
Can I give thanks when I come to realize the lack of control I really have on my life?

1 Thessalonians 5:18 has been burned into my brain.
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

I'd like to think to myself that "perhaps Paul meant to write: In most things give thanks," and then just got a few letters wrong.

In reality, I can tend to live that way.

But far from it. In any difficult season of life, there is Truth that makes a thankful heart possible, and that is in Romans 5

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, 
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  
Through him we have also obtained access by faith 
into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in 
hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in 
our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces 
endurance, and endurance produces character, and 
character produces hope, and hope does not put us to 
shame, because God’s love has been poured into our
hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

 My eternal destiny been secured by the Almighty God of heaven, my sins covered by his perfect Son, Hell is no longer my destination, and now, this world is not my home!
This in and of itself is reason to get up every day with a smile, yet that is not the end! It goes on to say that mine is not a suffering for no reason. There is a real purpose for these trials, no matter how large or small. 
Endurance, Character, Hope.
All because of love.

"In everything give thanks."

Friday, October 28, 2011

A Snake for Sore Eyes

I'm pretty sure this picture does not make me any more curious, or willing, to try eating one of those slithering nasties. 

AND actually I have eaten rattlesnake, and that picture pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter. dis.gusting.

I think the sub headers in the photo are a little ironic and also a bit more pertinent to real life. Just saying.

An Adventure in Chinese Takeout

Well.... I've got a story for you.
Its a bit embarrassing..... the best ones all are.
It began on quiet Friday evening.
Being the trendsetter that I am, I was home alone, facing the prospect of a pile of homework the size of... well... a house.

The laundry too, was calling my name, in its always hopeless tone, knowing that I am deaf to its call until my last pair of pants is past the point of a perfume salvation...

What to do?

And then in dawned on me!
Chinese Food!
The answer to all my problems!
motivation to clean my pants! (for I would have to go out)
motivation to write my paper! (sustenance)

and last but not all, it would mean the completion of one of my life goals.

(let me take a bunny trail real quick... come, hop with me....)
It might seem strange to you that a college student such as myself has never ordered chinese take out.... But it is true.
indeed, it is a sad fact. But such is life.
Having seen Gilmore Girls and countless other tv shows, I had was always thought the whole "ordering take out thing" was a cool thing that all the cool kids did,  and I dreamed of the day that I too could join their ranks, standing tall (or rather, slumped on a couch,) eating gooey crab rangoon and sesame chicken. The fascinating white boxes of mystery were also high points of interest..... what could be better than delicious food packed into a delightful, iconic package, ready to be unwrapped and enjoyed??
In my mind? nothing.

So there I was alone on a Friday night having just made the decision.
But what to do next? Was this process like ordering pizza? Where do I find a menu?  To call or not to call? What was the protocol? Do Chinese places deliver? My knowledge gained from Gilmore girls tmade me think not... but in Stars Hollow, anything can happen.

I really was in a quandry. Over takeout.

Ridiculous I know.
But as an individual in the 21st century...... what was there to do but to Google it?

However, in this instance, Google failed me.

The last one gave me a bit of a giggle, but it was hopeless!
I was too simple for even an online search engine to help me.

But what was I to do?
Heaven forbid a make a fool of myself while Chinese food people!

The clock was ticking...... and so was my stomach (well, less ticking and more mumbling.... nomnomnom)

So I decided to go for it! To heck with the world! I was independent! I've lived on this earth for..... some.......years! That's long enough!

Donning my (rather smelly) pants and shoes (no socks) I traveled forth, confident and smiling.

I arrived at the establishment and ordered my food much in the normal manner, twas rather boring..... actually.

But then came the moment I had been waiting for! The handing over of the magic white boxes!!! The excitement was almost too much!

Yet this bliss was not to be had. The object of my hopes and dreams had been reduced to an ordinary styrofoam takeout box in a (*gasp) grocery sack!!
I was crushed.

I asked for an extra fortune cookie to make up for it, but it didnt help......
well, maybe a little.
Apparently one of you should be giving me some really great advice in the near future... either that, or there are 'lessons to be learned by listening to others..'

Sage advice, considering the evening.

Despite the excellence of fried rice and chicken, a smallish part of my heart is still a wee bit disappointed. 
But hey! I've still part of my dream! One day I'll get my paws on one of those white boxes.... one day!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Man at School

I see a man at school each time I have class.
You might not think that unusual, but he sits on top of a door frame.

I say "hi"to him every day I pass him in the hall and he only stares. Unmoving. Like a statue.

and he has no clothes.

or nose.
or mouth.

and he is a bit smaller than the average human.


Perhaps he just likes hanging out, presumably thinking thick, clay-like thoughts, like (photoshoot.mm. AwkWARd) in caveman speak.

Ideal St

I think comedians have the most interesting lives out of all of us.
Everything always happens "the other day" or "not that long ago"

I saw a street named Ideal today. It was gravel.

That was 2 months ago. But somehow it's more funny if it's recent.


Friday, September 9, 2011


I wish savings accounts were like armpit hair. Rapidly growing at an alarming rate despite daily actions to the contrary

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Strictly No Elephants


I 've done a lot of unusual things in my two decades on this planet, but today I had the privilege of being hand fed a muffin. It made me feel like this:

I had been painting my soon-to-be room, and was washing out the brush and pan,
thereby rendering my extremities unusable.

Out of nowhere, my sister appeared, holding a glorious morsel of pumpkin-y goodness.

For a moment, I was at a loss. How could I get this goodness inside me??

Whilst still washing out that dratted paint brush, I just took a bite.
And it was everything I dreamed (in the last .4 seconds) it would be.

This is what I felt like on the inside :

You might think there's more to the story, but no.... there's not.

This is the end.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


In my adventures online I sometimes come across gems that I feel need to share, but don't have a particular context to put them in.... so here's a collection:

I mean really, what could be better than a squirrel in a conductor outfit, playing sweet melodies on a miniature violin? Not much.

I'm sure his schedule is completely booked with weddings, formal events, and the like.

 Asking for it....

 adorable, sad.... does it have a point? most likely not.

 The middle paragraph.

Oh the Humanity!

Seen at a veterinarian office

The Art of Blogging

Alright. I'm back.
This summer has been so many things and the foremost quality has been a relaxed busy.

Odd terminoligy,  you might say,

and I say... actually I say nothing.

about that.

In the face of my "relaxed busy summer," I'm sure you have noticed the severe drop off in postings, but this blogger is not the "till death do us part" type of blogger.

Instead, I'm more of a: "I MUST clean, do homework, license my car, and bake a pie! .... I suppose I'll blog" type of blogger.

Since nothing in the last few weeks has called for a supreme amount of procrastination, here we are.

But now I'd like to ease the nagging bundle of guilt I now have stored up, due to my own laziness, and I'll attempt to rustle up a few posts.

here we go.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Animal phobias

I seem to be on an animal theme.
No worries it will pass....

In the meantime, here are some things to ponder.

A claustrophobic earthworm (fear of enclosed places)

A hydrophobic fish (fear of water)

An acrophobic giraffe (fear of heights)


Sometimes I write ideas for blog posts at the oddest of times (middle of the night, or at breakfast, sometimes because of breakfast) or in the oddest of places. My room, purse and car are scattered right now with odd bits of paper covered in nonsensical scribblings.

But all that to say, this post is not like those.
This is real and it just happened. The nausea has still not passed.
About 20 minutes ago I was sitting at the computer bemoaning my lack of inspiration when all of the sudden I heard an uncanny yowling. It literally sounded like and angry 2 year-olds we all hear at Walmart.

Now, it's late at night, and I'm alone in the house. 20 minutes ago I certainly wasn't expecting any intruders with angry two-year-olds! I was scared. Really scared. everything is 422% scarier late at night when you're alone in a house. Its a proven fact.

As I turned the corner to see what the commotion was about, I saw the cat bent over the floor, and thought "Darn it! He barfed another hairball!"

If only.

As I got closer, I realized it was not a hairball, it was a mouse. I have never felt such revulsion, shock and nausea all rolled into one. It was terrible. Just terrible. As I looked closer, the feelings did not pass, they only intensified. I then began to feel guilty and ashamed at being so terrified and disgusted at such a harmless (and normally adorable) wee little animal.

I blindly ordered the cat to take it back outside, but my pleas were in vain.... he just looked up as if to say "Isn't this de-meow-lightful?" ... I feel like a lion! don't I look like a lion?? Meow?"

He kept sniffing it and moving it and finally I couldn't handle it anymore I put the cat in the garage, (hoping he wouldn't EVER find any more) and then tried to decide what to do next.
I found the dust pan and knelt next to the tiny creature. I looked at it so long trying to summon up the courage to pick it up, that it almost seemed as if it began to move. This initiated freak out moment #2 because I kept imagining the (possible) tiny squeak that would emerge from it's body as I pick it up.
I then walked past it into the kitchen where I regained my courage only to walk up once more to it and be rendered helpless by the aforementioned emotions. this cycle happened several times before I finally decided to just pretend it wasn't real.

"I'm sure lots of cat owners have pretend mice................... 
that look real.... and have long skinny tails.. stop stop thinking!!!
Its pretend! It's pretend!!!"

I (valiantly) scooped up the tiny thing, marveling at how light it was. Then I looked at the ceiling the entire way to the back door, then went out and tossed it over the deck.

I made a fatal mistake however. I looked down just in time to see the white little body fade into the blackness and then hear the small rustle of the grass as it made contact.
I probably will never forget that moment.
Or ever go in the back yard again.

Please don't get me wrong, I like animals, especially tiny ones!
But it's weird (for lack of a better term) to see death like that, and so unexpectedly. I couldn't bring myself to even look at. It was just terrible. But it is done now, and that is my escapade for the week, maybe the year. More to follow.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Celebrity Look-a-Likes (the animal chapter)

An Education in Cereal

So I take a lot of pictures of my food.

I have comes to terms with this oddity and have no plans to reform.

I like texture and color and beauty, and I like discovering it in surprising places.

Even my cereal bowl.

Other people collect tiny pieces of paper that have jagged edges. I don't see a problem.

And have no fear, it could be worse. It took me 26 seconds to find these three pictures on Google images.

Not only did an individual take these pictures, but thought that they were worth the time to upload (presumably with a dial-up connection) and then share with the world.



But back on topic. food.

Today I had Frosted Mini-Spooners (otherwise known as MiniWheats) for breakfast for the first time in a very long time, and was reminded of my childhood.

Call me crazy, but I've always loved the odd texture. It was also one of the few cereals that actually contained visible sugar that ever entered my home....

Unless you count raisin bran.

To this day, I believe there is only one proper way to eat this cereal, and that is upside down.
Not you as a person, (that would be the height of absurdity, not to mention untidiness..... all that milk dribbling everywhere! For shame!)

No, rather like so:

That way the white crumbly, delightful sugary sweetness is the first thing you taste.

I must confess, when I was young, after pouring a bowl, before I put the milk in, I would pick and choose the ones with the most frosting. The little naked ones would promptly get tossed back into the bag, as would the ones with just a sprinkling. Only the heavily covered squares were deemed acceptable for my advanced 7 year old palate. 

Dear family,
I apologize for man-handling your cereal...  I'm sorry you never knew, but I guess now you do.
And now I guess you also know the reason that Mini Spooners always seemed to come with less frosting than those expensive Wheaties. It wasn't just because Michael Jordan wasn't on the cover, or that it was the off brand.....

My sneaky fingers are remorseful. But not very.


This Blogger.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Signs of Oddity

I have been to Village Point many times, (a local outdoor shopping center ) but tonight I as walked down the streets, the some of signs posted struck me as particularly odd

Example 1:

What a heavenly place to go! A divine bakery! How pleasant! And I've always loved cheeseburgers! But to be able to have them in Paradise! Bliss unmeasured! Scrumpdiddlyumptious!

Example 2:


Example 3:

Long past are the days of saving the eagles... these guys outfit them! With so many of them being bald and all, there's no need for them to be naked as well!!

But forget those foreign eagles.... these outfits are for American feathers exclusively.
(so what if all the clothes come from China? not important.)

Example 4:

And the boys get... "Injustice?"

Example 5:

(Chica= girl Chico = boy)

 "I love that blouse! Where'd you get it?

"oh, Boy's."


Example 6:

It amazing what you get used to. I imagine the next store on the block will be Pear Democracy, or perhaps Mango Monarchy, Kiwi Tribalism or Pineapple Anarchy.

I mean, really.

Example 7:

Who knew children came so cheap! Turns out you can pick em up for the "super duper clearence price" of $3.99! Pick up 2 while you're at it! A baby and a kid!

Sadly, if you need an adolescent, you'll need to move on... perhaps to Chico's?