Saturday, July 23, 2011

Animal phobias

I seem to be on an animal theme.
No worries it will pass....

In the meantime, here are some things to ponder.

A claustrophobic earthworm (fear of enclosed places)

A hydrophobic fish (fear of water)

An acrophobic giraffe (fear of heights)


Sometimes I write ideas for blog posts at the oddest of times (middle of the night, or at breakfast, sometimes because of breakfast) or in the oddest of places. My room, purse and car are scattered right now with odd bits of paper covered in nonsensical scribblings.

But all that to say, this post is not like those.
This is real and it just happened. The nausea has still not passed.
About 20 minutes ago I was sitting at the computer bemoaning my lack of inspiration when all of the sudden I heard an uncanny yowling. It literally sounded like and angry 2 year-olds we all hear at Walmart.

Now, it's late at night, and I'm alone in the house. 20 minutes ago I certainly wasn't expecting any intruders with angry two-year-olds! I was scared. Really scared. everything is 422% scarier late at night when you're alone in a house. Its a proven fact.

As I turned the corner to see what the commotion was about, I saw the cat bent over the floor, and thought "Darn it! He barfed another hairball!"

If only.

As I got closer, I realized it was not a hairball, it was a mouse. I have never felt such revulsion, shock and nausea all rolled into one. It was terrible. Just terrible. As I looked closer, the feelings did not pass, they only intensified. I then began to feel guilty and ashamed at being so terrified and disgusted at such a harmless (and normally adorable) wee little animal.

I blindly ordered the cat to take it back outside, but my pleas were in vain.... he just looked up as if to say "Isn't this de-meow-lightful?" ... I feel like a lion! don't I look like a lion?? Meow?"

He kept sniffing it and moving it and finally I couldn't handle it anymore I put the cat in the garage, (hoping he wouldn't EVER find any more) and then tried to decide what to do next.
I found the dust pan and knelt next to the tiny creature. I looked at it so long trying to summon up the courage to pick it up, that it almost seemed as if it began to move. This initiated freak out moment #2 because I kept imagining the (possible) tiny squeak that would emerge from it's body as I pick it up.
I then walked past it into the kitchen where I regained my courage only to walk up once more to it and be rendered helpless by the aforementioned emotions. this cycle happened several times before I finally decided to just pretend it wasn't real.

"I'm sure lots of cat owners have pretend mice................... 
that look real.... and have long skinny tails.. stop stop thinking!!!
Its pretend! It's pretend!!!"

I (valiantly) scooped up the tiny thing, marveling at how light it was. Then I looked at the ceiling the entire way to the back door, then went out and tossed it over the deck.

I made a fatal mistake however. I looked down just in time to see the white little body fade into the blackness and then hear the small rustle of the grass as it made contact.
I probably will never forget that moment.
Or ever go in the back yard again.

Please don't get me wrong, I like animals, especially tiny ones!
But it's weird (for lack of a better term) to see death like that, and so unexpectedly. I couldn't bring myself to even look at. It was just terrible. But it is done now, and that is my escapade for the week, maybe the year. More to follow.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Celebrity Look-a-Likes (the animal chapter)

An Education in Cereal

So I take a lot of pictures of my food.

I have comes to terms with this oddity and have no plans to reform.

I like texture and color and beauty, and I like discovering it in surprising places.

Even my cereal bowl.

Other people collect tiny pieces of paper that have jagged edges. I don't see a problem.

And have no fear, it could be worse. It took me 26 seconds to find these three pictures on Google images.

Not only did an individual take these pictures, but thought that they were worth the time to upload (presumably with a dial-up connection) and then share with the world.



But back on topic. food.

Today I had Frosted Mini-Spooners (otherwise known as MiniWheats) for breakfast for the first time in a very long time, and was reminded of my childhood.

Call me crazy, but I've always loved the odd texture. It was also one of the few cereals that actually contained visible sugar that ever entered my home....

Unless you count raisin bran.

To this day, I believe there is only one proper way to eat this cereal, and that is upside down.
Not you as a person, (that would be the height of absurdity, not to mention untidiness..... all that milk dribbling everywhere! For shame!)

No, rather like so:

That way the white crumbly, delightful sugary sweetness is the first thing you taste.

I must confess, when I was young, after pouring a bowl, before I put the milk in, I would pick and choose the ones with the most frosting. The little naked ones would promptly get tossed back into the bag, as would the ones with just a sprinkling. Only the heavily covered squares were deemed acceptable for my advanced 7 year old palate. 

Dear family,
I apologize for man-handling your cereal...  I'm sorry you never knew, but I guess now you do.
And now I guess you also know the reason that Mini Spooners always seemed to come with less frosting than those expensive Wheaties. It wasn't just because Michael Jordan wasn't on the cover, or that it was the off brand.....

My sneaky fingers are remorseful. But not very.


This Blogger.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Signs of Oddity

I have been to Village Point many times, (a local outdoor shopping center ) but tonight I as walked down the streets, the some of signs posted struck me as particularly odd

Example 1:

What a heavenly place to go! A divine bakery! How pleasant! And I've always loved cheeseburgers! But to be able to have them in Paradise! Bliss unmeasured! Scrumpdiddlyumptious!

Example 2:


Example 3:

Long past are the days of saving the eagles... these guys outfit them! With so many of them being bald and all, there's no need for them to be naked as well!!

But forget those foreign eagles.... these outfits are for American feathers exclusively.
(so what if all the clothes come from China? not important.)

Example 4:

And the boys get... "Injustice?"

Example 5:

(Chica= girl Chico = boy)

 "I love that blouse! Where'd you get it?

"oh, Boy's."


Example 6:

It amazing what you get used to. I imagine the next store on the block will be Pear Democracy, or perhaps Mango Monarchy, Kiwi Tribalism or Pineapple Anarchy.

I mean, really.

Example 7:

Who knew children came so cheap! Turns out you can pick em up for the "super duper clearence price" of $3.99! Pick up 2 while you're at it! A baby and a kid!

Sadly, if you need an adolescent, you'll need to move on... perhaps to Chico's?

_____ Hut

 Well, I must say, I was worried...I thought you might just be a hut.

Without pizza.

The Princess Bride in a Single Picture

(via Drake Brodahl)